GPOY: A Rant

It’s days like today that I appreciate my penis. If you were to combine my awful mood with hormones, buildings would be coming down.

I’m not going to go into much detail, but today is a giant piece of shit. 

If every sneeze really is the equivalent of 1/10th of an orgasm, I’d be one pleasured mother fucker. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve sneeze today. Shit, I’m sneezing as I write this. Fuck you, allergies.

My ongoing battle with Financial Aid seems to be pointless as they’ve given me the same answer regarding my obscene balance. I won’t name numbers, but I wouldn’t even make that much money working 50 hours/week at minimum wage for an entire year. And that’s not even accounting for my previous loans.

There’s a fly attacking me as I write this. If I could ever use the Cruciatus Curse, it’d be now, to torture the shit out of this goddamn fly.

I burnt my wenis on my car, which seems to be made of magma. 

And finally, to top it off, Becky, the cashier at the grocery store (it says her name on my receipt) was a giant bitch to me. Fuck you, Becky.